When I Ran For Myself.

I was looking trough some old pictures today and came across this one. This was from a training run I did on the Colorado Trail when my wife and I lived in New Mexico. I think back now looking at the picture and can honestly say that this was the last time I truely had a blast running. With views like this one how could it ever be considered training?
As far as running goes. I did manage to get a couple of runs in this week along with a couple of bike rides. The rides went well but the running still felt much like work. Total mileage for the week 28 miles running and 50+ miles of riding.
About the mystery of why I just quit running last weekend at the Berryman Trail 50 miler I'm slowly starting to piece it all together. Lets just say I've got issues and leave it at that. Hey but then again don't we all? Though I've identified my problem with competition I feel for me I should just stick with the decision to not compete until I can once again run happy.
On the family front. I finally got to spend some much needed time with my son. We got up this morning and watched Thomas the Train. Then played with his Thomas the Train wooden train set. For lunch we went out for pizza then took the little man to go ride the train in the park. By the time we got home he was ready for a good nap. That boy is train crazy. We layed him down and he was out cold. Probably a case of sensory overload I'd imagine. Anyway I know a lot of you have big races coming up. I wish you all good luck and take care.

The Road to Recovery is Going to be Long.

Yesterday I worked a double shift. I was fortunate enough to get the outside rounds job. So I pretty much just drove the company truck over and around the hills of the wildlife preserve around the plant. That gave me roughly 16hrs to think about everything. Like how they get the cheese into the Easy Cheese canisters to plotting out a very detailed plan for an ultrarunning comeback. I'm pretty sure that whatever I'm feeling is going to stick around for awhile. Just looking at all the running I'd have to do to get me back to a point where I would feel confident about my ability again made me sick to my stomach. When I look at it, all I see is WORK. Work I'm not getting payed for. That to me is unacceptable. I never wanted it to come to this but it has. I'm a firm believer in the fact that if your going to do something you should do it right. If your gonna be competitve you need to look at it like it is work. At the same time it shouldn't be a job you hate going to. Lately for me that is what it has been reduced to.
My wife called me today at work. Shes just taking up rowing as a sport. To hear her talk about it makes me happy. She has such a passion for it. For her its the greatest thing since the birth of our son. Her thirst for knowledge about this new found joy is only going to grow. I can remember when I felt that way about running. Everything I learned about the sport empowered me. I felt like a kid who just leardned how to ride a bike for the first time. The freedom of exploration and adventure. There is not a greater feeling in the world.
So for as long as it takes I'm just going to run. Not with any intention or purpose. Just one foot in front of the other until the day I find whatever it is that I lost. I'll keep posting on this blog. I'm sure during this downtime I'm going to see and expierience a lot of things I'll want to share with you all. Mountain tops, valleys, deserts, etc. Afterall I'm still an ultrarunner and I'll never forget how to get lost in the woods.